


He's Not A Monster

by suspendscrabble



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ghost Wilbur Soot, Insane Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot is Not Okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 07:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28347414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suspendscrabble/pseuds/suspendscrabble
Summary: Ghostbur wasn't sure if he could take this anymore. All of the bad things Alivebur had done, said... it was catching up and hurt him. And to be honest, he felt like shit. But he couldn't tell anyone that. So, without hesitation, he took out some blue, and let it suck all his sadness away- even if his inventory was already flooding with blue.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 79
Kudos: 287





	1. Bad Bad Thoughts

Ghostbur didn't like conflict just as much as the next ghost. It did more than just scared him- it made him think of Alivebur. And he didn't like thinking of Alivebur at all, but here he was anyway, sitting inside Philza's house and letting the bad thoughts consume him.

Monster.

Murderer.

Villain.

Psychopath.

Each word cut deeper into Ghostbur. Deeper than Philza's sword did when he killed Alivebur. Ghostbur didn't like pain, but he was in it nonetheless. He wanted it to stop. He wanted it all to stop. But there wasn't much he could do, he was only a ghost after all. 

Ghostbur drummed his fingers on his thighs and listened to the slowed pitter-patter of raindrops from the roof. He wanted to go out for a walk, but he didn't want to get burnt in the process. If he was alive he could-

No, no. Ghostbur shook that thought away to dismiss it. He should know better than to think like that. If he was alive he'd be Alivebur. The same man who blew up L'Manburg and the same man who had gone insane. Ghostbur didn't want to be him. He didn't want to be insane and he didn't want to be a monster. 

Tears welled in Ghostbur's eyes but he wiped them away and took out some blue. He closed his eyes, gathering up all of the sad feelings and thoughts, and allowed them to absorb. The heavy feeling in his chest faded to barely anything at all, and that brought a smile to Ghostbur's face.

Good.

Now he didn't have to be sad anymore. He could be happy again, and he could help others to be happy too! 

Which reminded him, he still needed to visit Tommy. It had been at least a day since he had seen his younger friend in exile, and he had to check on him. That's what good friends did, after all.

Ghostbur stood from the wooden chair he had been sitting on and glanced out the window. Philza hadn't logged on yet, and everyone else was busy at the moment, meaning he didn't have to worry about getting distracted. Luckily enough, it had stopped raining, so it was safe. 

Ghostbur adjusted his sweater and stepped out of the house, making his way down the stairs and onto the path to the Nether Portal. He didn't have to worry about getting injured or anything- he was a ghost- and most mobs ignored him anyway, or flat out ran away. At first, he had shrugged it off, but he wondered if he looked scary or intimidating. In reality, he wanted to make friends, not look like a monster.

Monster, monster, monster.

Ghostbur felt a sting of pain as that thought returned but kept his focus on following the carpet path. He listened to the gurgling of nearby lava and the occasional cry of a Ghast. Ghostbur zoned out before he recognized the portal that led to Tommy's base and put an excited smile on his face. He couldn't wait to see his friend. He stepped through the portal and waited a few moments before he was in the overworld again. Birds chirped their afternoon tunes as Ghostbur followed the path to Tnret, and he called out.

"Tommy? Are you here?" Ghostbur tried to keep his voice lower than normal, not sure if the younger boy was asleep. He would feel bad if he woke him up, Tommy had seemed so tired recently. And sad. So sad.

But, no response. Ghostbur frowned and glanced into the tent, concerned to find that it was empty. Had Tommy gone somewhere? That would explain why he wasn't here, but... he couldn't help but feel concerned.

Had he become sadder than earlier? Was he injured? Or worst of all...

No. No no no no no. Ghostbur smacked himself in the head, refusing to believe it. Tommy was one of the strongest people he knew. He could get through anything that was thrown at him, and Ghostbur truly believed that. Tommy was not dead. Maybe he was just busy pursuing another adventure.

Ghostbur stepped away from Tnret and strolled down to the beach. He settled onto the sand slowly and moved to a criss-cross apple sauce position. The sun shined bright overhead, making him feel warm and soothing his anxious thoughts. 

Ghostbur closed his eyes and listened to the crashing of the ocean waves, allowing himself to doze. He would just have to wait until Tommy returned, then they could catch up and spend time together. Ghostbur couldn't wait, but everything slowed down once he heard a familiar voice.

"Hello little old me."

Ghostbur snapped his eyes open and his heart dropped into his stomach. Please, no. He begged quietly. Not another hallucination of him. He didn't have to turn to look, he already knew the voice far too well. 

Alivebur, or- Wilbur Soot, as most knew him as, stood behind him. Thank god Ghostbur was alone. He didn't want anyone to hear or see him openly sob.


	2. Bad Bad Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur and Alivebur have another 'talk'. A talk that breaks the poor ghost that just wanted to see his friend. But that made it worse too.

Ghostbur moved to hug his knees tightly to his chest and forced away a wave of fear. Alivebur went to sit beside him, relaxing against the sand and sighing in content. Ghostbur wasn't sure what there was to be content about at this moment, but he refused to ask. And he refused to speak. This was another hallucination. He just had to ignore him until Tommy came back, and... it would be fine.

It had to be fine.

Alivebur glanced at him with an annoyed eyebrow. "What? Can't even say hello? Tommy was right, you really are pathetic." Ghostbur flinched and forced words out of his mouth.

"I'm not pathetic, I just don't want to talk." He replied quietly, still avoiding any eye contact.

Alivebur scoffed. "Coward." Ghostbur flinched again and fought back tears, moving to take out some blue. He held onto it, allowing it to soak up his sadness, and wiped his eyes.

"Is that all you have to say?" He asked slowly. "Just insults to hurt me...?"

Alivebur shrugged. "Those are only amateur type insults." A sick grin spread across his face. "I could say a whole lot worse, y'know. Wouldn't that be... entertaining?"

Ghostbur shuddered and hugged his knees tighter to his chest. "N... No, no it wouldn't." He responded hoarsely. "Can you leave me alone, please? I only want to wait for Tommy."

"Tsk tsk tsk... You never learn do you?" Alivebur sighed. "For someone who does all of this amazing craftwork in L'Manburg, you sure are stupid."

Ghostbur glanced to Alivebur with a rush of courage. He froze, almost immediately petrified by the sight of him. Alivebur was how most of his friends had described him, dark hair and eyes, messy hair mostly covered by a beanie, along with a trench coat and boots. But Alivebur's expression was what terrified him the most. 

There was an almost reddish glint in them, revealing his malicious intent and obvious lack of care for anyone or anything. Ghostbur felt his tears return. Dammit, this was the third time he had almost cried today... what was wrong with him?

Everything. His thoughts answered. Instinctively, Ghostbur took out more blue and held it tightly. He didn't want any more sadness. He didn't want any more hallucinations of Alivebur. And he didn't want to be Ghostbur anymore.

Why couldn't he just let go?

Ghostbur clenched the blue tighter until his knuckles started to turn white. He stared at the sand and ignored Alivebur completely, though he heard a voice nonetheless. He wasn't sure if it was his, but he couldn't bring himself to check. He just wanted to see his friend.

He just... He was...

Monster.

No.

M̴̧̛̗͆̓͑u̶̢̯̠̠͒r̸̙̖̹̄̇̑͘ď̸͓̩͂e̶̙̖͆r̷̨̫̈́͘e̸̳͇͚͘r̸̰͖̩̗͆̕.̶̧͓̼̽̔̈́͗

No!

V̷͚̱̹͍̬̣̥̝̭̿́̇̾̿̂͑̈́͘į̷̮̟̙͓̱͚̏l̸̤̦̭͉̦̗̝͉̒͝l̶̨̡̼̘̘̼̀͊̇͊̊̐̐͑͒ả̶̢̫̪̣͇̪̋͛̑̌͂̀̆̅i̴̳͓̮͙̹͓̠͒̕͝ņ̵̧̣͇͈̩͎̘̪̉.̷̛͖͚̆͛̃̓̅͜

NO!

"Wilbur? Err- I mean, Ghostbur?"

Ghostbur jumped at the sound of Tommy's voice, head pounding and chest tight. Blue still in his hands, he quickly shoved it into his pocket. Tommy couldn't see him like this. He could never forgive himself if he didn't show anything but a smile to his friend.

"T-Tommy!" Ghostbur stuttered slightly as he got to his feet. Tommy smiled weakly and gave Ghostbur a wave.

"Hey Ghostbur, what are you doing here?" Tommy asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I came to visit you of course! It's been too long!" Ghostbur chirped and opened up his arms. "May I have a hug?" Tommy furrowed his eyebrows and Ghostbur recognized annoyance in the boy's eyes.

"Still clingy, I see," Tommy grumbled before bringing the ghost into a light hug. Ghostbur laughed slightly and ignored a stab of pain at the jab.

"Yep, that's just me!" He replied and hugged Tommy tighter. Ghostbur cherished the physical contact he got, in fact, he craved it. He needed it for comfort but he didn't want to be a burden, so he didn't ask for too much of it. But this hug... it meant the world to him.

Ghostbur didn't mean to start crying. He inhaled in an attempt to keep himself under control- he didn't want Tommy to see him break. He didn't need that on his shoulders. And to top it all off, he started coughing. And of course, it was blue he was coughing up.

"Woah- Ghostbur, are you alright?" Tommy sounded worried and patted Ghostbur's back in an attempt to help the coughing fit.

Ghostbur nodded. "I'm fine, Tommy. Just... a little sick, I think."

"Sick? Ghosts don't get sick, dipshit. And you're crying too- maybe you should head back to L'Manburg or something, man."

"I'm okay Tommy, I promise!"

"For fuck's sake Ghostbur- there's something clearly wrong!" Tommy snapped, causing Ghostbur to retract from the hug. Heart pounding in his chest, Ghostbur stared at Tommy almost fearfully. But Tommy didn't notice, too blinded by anger. "Honestly, dude what the fuck?! Every time something goes wrong or something too personal shows up- you just run! You RUN! Ghostbur, you can't run from everything, that's not how this works! Running solves nothing-"

Ghostbur didn't catch the rest of Tommy's rant and coughed into his hands. He stared down at them, seeing the bright blue color and frowning. He had never coughed up so much before, so why now? Feeling the instinct to grab more blue, he nearly gave in before glancing into his inventory- all of it was just blue. Much more than the TNT Alivebur had placed under L'Manburg. 

Ghostbur stepped back and felt a few drops of water on his head. At first, he was confused before realizing it was rain. He winced at the familiar sound and feeling of burning pain on his body. However, Tommy didn't stop his ranting- and Ghostbur wasn't sure what he was talking about anymore, so he didn't interrupt. Phil told him it was rude to interrupt. So, he listened in.

"-And frankly I'm getting a little fucking sick of everyone not visiting!" Ghostbur breathed in relief at that. Good, the spotlight wasn't on him anymore, meaning he could put himself to use.

"I still visit you," Ghostbur pointed out gently. "Dream does too, and I'm sure the others will come eventually! They just need some time, y'know?"

"It's been weeks!" Tommy exclaimed, exasperated. "And you two, you... you don't even count! Dream visits out of pity and you're not even real! You're just a ghost that won't go away!" Ghostbur flinched and looked down at the sand. Tears returned to his eyes, but this time he was left defenseless. All his blue was used up and he couldn't run- Tommy was right, of course, he couldn't run forever. Tommy stopped after that and his tone grew apologetic. "Wait- Ghostbur I didn't..." He trailed off, realizing the hit had already been taken.

Ghostbur looked up and wiped his eyes, allowing himself to sniffle. "No, it's okay. You're right, Tommy. I am just a ghost." He looked to his hands, smiling weakly at seeing the slight lack of visibility in them. "Don't apologize because you're right. I'll... I'll leave you be."

"Ghostbur- wait, you can't leave. I'm sorry, alright? It's raining too, you'll get hurt."

"I'm a ghost Tommy, I'll be fine." Ghostbur sighed softly and allowed himself to fade from the boy's sight. "I'll come back tomorrow. Love you."

"Ghostbur!"

Tommy didn't get a response. Ghostbur had already gone invisible and was already going back to the portal. Back to L'Manburg, and back to dealing with his thoughts on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3


	3. Maybe Not Such A Bad Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur returns to L'Manburg and gets to talk with Philza. He gets the chance to clear out some of the blue, but it's not enough. He still has more to think about.

The rain thrummed against the ground and thunder rumbled in the distance. Ghostbur hugged his torso tightly and forced himself to keep walking. He was just near the center of L'Manburg now and once he got to Philza's house he could take some shelter. He had to keep going first. Dammit, it hurt so bad, but not as much as Tommy's words. They rang through his ears as clear as glass.

"You're just a ghost that won't go away!"

Ghostbur inhaled sharply and stumbled up the stairs. He knocked on the door, grateful to be allowed some cover from the rain. The door opened and revealing Philza Minecraft himself, except he looked tired and sad. No surprise, he had been under house arrest. It must be awful not being allowed to go anywhere without consequence. Ghostbur thought before forcing a smile on his face.

"Hey, Phil! Sorry, I didn't catch you earlier, I was visiting Tommy!" He said happily to the older man. Philza didn't smile like he usually did when they saw each other, and Ghostbur couldn't help but feel worried.

Had he done something wrong again?

"What are you doing out in the rain Ghostbur?" Phil asked before taking the younger man's arms and bringing him inside.

"Oh- I was just coming back from visiting Tommy!" Ghostbur replied with a smile. "How are you? I haven't seen you in a bit!"

"I'm just fine, Ghostbur. Not much I can do in house arrest though." Phil didn't smile back and Ghostbur began to internally panic. He fidgeted with his pockets, tempted to grab the blue he had put in there earlier but knew better than to. It was already overwhelmed with sadness, his sadness. 

Maybe Alivebur was right. Maybe he was a pathetic coward. Maybe-

"Have you been crying, son?" Phil asked abruptly, snapping Ghostbur out of his spiraling thoughts. Ghostbur opened his mouth but felt at a loss for words. He was sure he hadn't cried that much, not enough for anyone else to notice. 

"No no, well... Not anymore." Ghostbur couldn't bring himself to lie to Phil, he was his dad, of course. He wasn't supposed to lie, but it pained him to tell the truth.

"Not anymore?" Phil frowned and pulled up two chairs. Much to Ghostbur's relief, he didn't seem angry, but he did seem worried. Wasn't that even worse though? Ghosbur took the hint and sat in one of the chairs, fidgeting nervously with his sweater paws. Phil was worried and most likely upset, and it was his fault.

His fault, his fault, h̸̰̻͛̓̾̅i̷̮̱͜͠s̵̤̭̉͒ ̶̪̑f̵̟͚̣̖́͝a̵͓͓̓ư̷͓͇̕l̸̺̒ẗ̵̰̟̥̜́̀.̶͙̓̌̅̄

"You can talk to me, Ghostbur," Phil said gently as he wrapped a towel around the ghost. "I know it must be hard dealing with all of the things Alivebur-" Ghostbur flinched at the mention. "-has done, but you can't keep that all in, y'know? It's not good for you."

"It's okay Phil, I have some blue!" Ghostbur tried to reassure the older man, but he didn't seem convinced.

"You've been collecting a lot of blue, it seems." Phil gestured to the chests in the room and Ghostbur's heart dropped into his stomach. He had forgotten he had stored some of his blues away in Phil's chests, meaning... he knew. Ghostbur nearly choked on air and he dug his nails into the palm of his hands. He messed up, again. And his thoughts attacked him all at once.

Y̴o̷u̴ ̷r̵u̵i̴n̶ ̴e̷v̷e̶r̶y̵t̴h̸i̷n̵g̵.̴  
̶  
̸Y̸o̸u̵'̸r̷e̸ ̶a̵ ̵m̴o̸n̴s̶t̴e̵r̷.̷  
̶  
E̷͖͇͆͝ͅv̷̖̒̑͘ẽ̴̗̈́͜r̷̳̳̹̎y̷̻͕͉͘ǒ̸̠n̸̩̅ȩ̶̛̣̓̿ ̵͓̓̈́͐h̸̗͝a̴̰͉̅͊͝ț̶̰̈́̈́ȩ̶̌s̸͓̖̩͊̚ ̸͙̹͑͂ÿ̵̞́̅ö̴̹͍̝́u̴̘̿͆.̸̛̦͍͌  
̴̪̳̊̆̑  
̸̰͑͗͒A̶͎͆͘l̷̡̖͍͘l̷̹͐ͅ ̷̩̼̐̈́y̵̦̭̖̅o̵̳̳͑ȗ̶̬̜̆̚ ̵͕̜̳̉̈́̀d̴̰̘̈́ö̶̧̫͉́̄ ̴̭̭͂̇î̸̙̩̌s̵̠͔̭̏ ̶̭͉͊ḩ̴̪̾u̸͔̐͛̋ṟ̵̻̘͆͐t̸̼͒͗ ̵̤͌ĕ̸̢̘̱͆̆v̷̞̲̪̊̾e̶̝͈̹͂̊r̷͇̣̻͝y̵̬̩̙͌o̸̟̊͂ͅn̵̙̎̅̊ȩ̸̻͉̕.̵̹͍̯͂̍̔

Y̵̡͔̱̐̏̐̔̚͜ǒ̸͉̮̖͛̈́̈͆̌̿͝͝u̴̢̠̭̞͕̪̒'̷͖̭̜̙̭̗̉͒r̸͙͚̦̼͚̮̿͑̃͊̅̏͌̄ē̵̞̊̈́͆́͘̕͝ ̴̪̗̺̯̩͓̪̝̒̐͂̌a̵̛̱̟̼͍͕͚̥͂̆͜w̶̺̦̭̅f̷̖͔̯̳̺̈́̎̈́͜ȕ̴͎̞͈͛͊͐̈́ļ̶̥͓̞̮͓͓͙̼͌͂̚.̶̗͚͓̭͙̼͔̞̇͋͜͝

Ghostbur couldn't breathe and he couldn't hear what Phil was saying, but he could hear someone else. Alivebur. How- How was he back? He only appeared when Ghostbur was alone, why... why now?

"You should've known better than to come back to L'Manburg," Alivebur said. Ghostbur swallowed his nervousness but he was beading sweat. Alivebur was behind him, and he could just barely feel him brush by his hands. 

Could hallucinations hurt people? Ghostbur wasn't sure, but if Alivebur tried to hurt Phil he would never forgive himself. But, nothing happened. Alivebur only stood there, only seen by the ghost and no one else. Ghostbur felt over the moon at this and looked to Phil, flinching to find that the man looked panicked. Ghostbur tilted his head, confused. What was there to panic about? He took a few minutes to contemplate before his hearing began to work again.

"Ghostbur, son, I need you to look at me, and breathe alright? Just breathe," Philza urged, tone gentle. Ghostbur frowned. Technically, ghosts didn't need to breathe at all. But he did as his father asked and took in a deep breath. The tightness in his chest subsided, something he didn't notice was troubling him before. "Well done, keep going." Phil gave Ghostbur an encouraging smile, squeezing his hands.

Since when did he take my hands? Ghostbur wondered as he followed along. Everything calmed once Ghostbur kept his breathing at a steady pace, and Phil let go of his hands. He stood up and went to the chests, opening them. "Now, I think it's time we clear out all of that blue, hm?" Phil turned to him with a smile. "You've been holding onto it for too long and it's a good day to let it all go."

Ghostbur sighed softly. Of course, Phil was right, he had been holding onto the blue for too long. It was time for a change. Paying no mind to Alivebur, who was still standing beside him, he pulled out the blue from his pocket. He feared being a burden and he feared being judged for feeling emotions he shouldn't be feeling, but... in this moment, that didn't bother him.

"Yeah." He agreed. "Let's get to cleaning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3


	4. An Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur feels better since he cleared out all the blue, but he still feels like he has a lot to make up for, and most definitely a lot to apologize for. But first, he needed to make amends with Tommy. That was most important right now.

Things I Remember

By Ghostbur

\- The smell of bread.  
\- L'Manburg.  
\- The Revolution.  
\- Bullying Tommy (He's a child).  
\- Sparring with Techno as a kid.  
\- The wind.  
\- Being president.  
\- People cheering for me.  
\- Fundy growing up.  
\- Niki.  
\- The van.  
\- Tubbo building everything.  
\- Phil protecting me.  
\- Sally the Salmon.  
\- Philza stabbing me to death with a sword.  
\- A large explosion.  
\- The taste of salt.  
\- Air in my lungs.  
\- Winning the elections.  
\- A ravine.  
\- Techno's armory.  
\- Books.  
\- Tunnels.  
\- Arrows.

.I...

\- I don't know.

Ghostbur ran his fingers under the words of the book and pursed his lips. He had read back on this so many times, and yet... he still couldn't recover anything more than that. Gently shutting it and setting it back into his inventory, Ghostbur stood from his spot on the grass. 

It was nearing sunset by now, and this was one of his favorite spots to watch it from. Tommy had told him of this place once- it had a jukebox, a bench to sit on, and a tall tree standing behind the bench.

Ghostbur felt a pang of guilt. Tommy. He had to go back and apologize eventually. And not for just making Tommy angry. He had to apologize for everything. 

Ghostbur and Alivebur weren't the same people, but Alivebur wasn't here for anyone to see anymore. Ghostbur still had to clean up what mess was left behind, and he was okay with that. He went over to the jukebox and took out the disc from inside, placing it into his inventory. Maybe if he came with a gift Tommy would be more prone to listening- and maybe he wouldn't be angry again.

Ghostbur made his way to the Nether portal, deciding not to waste time. He wasn't sure where everyone else was- probably having fun without him- but that didn't matter right now. Tommy, Tommy. He told himself. Find Tommy. Absentmindedly following the carpet path again, he stopped at the sound of Alivebur's voice.

"What are you doing?"

Ghostbur sighed deeply and rubbed his arms. "I'm going to visit Tommy, do you mind?" He glanced towards Alivebur with a solemn expression. He had gotten over his fear of looking at him now, but he still feared what he would say. Because deep down, he knew every syllable was right.

"Yes, actually I do mind." Alivebur crossed his arms. "Tommy doesn't want to see you, remember? He wants you to go away."

"He didn't mean that," Ghostbur replied. "He was only upset and wasn't thinking clearly. Please leave me be, I just want to get this done, then... then you can say all you want later. Alright?" Alivebur laughed. It was a bitter, almost sad laugh that left shivers running up Ghostbur's spine every time he heard it.

"Sure, whatever." Alivebur waved him off. "Have fun on your meaningless journey that will get you nothing."

Ghostbur turned away and stepped through the portal. Once he reached the overworld, he felt a rush of fear. What if Tommy hated him now? What if he never wanted to talk to him again? What if- What if he really meant what he said earlier? Ghostbur inhaled slowly and stumbled onto the path to Tnret. "Tommy?" He called. "Are you here?"

"Ghostbur?"

Ghostbur jumped at Tommy's voice and felt a burst of joy. Tommy- his brother- he was here. Tommy stepped out of Tnret, shock covering his expression. Ghostbur didn't know what he was thinking when he floated over to Tommy and pulled him into a tight hug. Much to his surprise, Tommy didn't complain and hugged back. The two stood in silence before Ghostbur forced himself to speak.

"Tommy-" His voice cracked but he paid no attention. "I'm so sorry." Tommy looked to the floating ghost, furrowing his eyebrows in clear confusion.

"What are you apologizing for? I'm the one who said those hurtful things to you-"

"I don't mean I'm only sorry about the other day Tommy, I mean- I mean I'm sorry for everything." Words began to tumble out of Ghostbur's mouth. "I'm sorry for blowing up L'Manburg, and I'm sorry for getting Tubbo killed during the festival. And- well everything else really, even the things I don't remember, and-"

"-I'm gonna stop you there, Big GW," Tommy interrupted. "You don't need to apologize, alright? You're not Alivebur, you're Ghostbur now."

"I know, I know Tommy- but-" Ghostbur panted, feeling like he was running a marathon before he remembered- the disc! He retracted from the hug and brought it out, handing it to the boy. "Here! This is for you!"

"You- You got me a disc?" Tommy asked, his eyes widened.

Ghostbur smiled. "Sure did! It's Mellohi, I... I wasn't sure which ones you already had but I figured you didn't have this one yet. Do you like it?"

"Like it? It's a disc, of course, I like it!" A large, excited grin grew across Tommy's face and he darted away like a child excited to open gifts on Christmas morning. "I'll go put it in my ender chest!"

Ghostbur could hardly stifle a laugh at seeing Tommy so happy but coughed into his hands instead. He sniffled and ignored another urge to cough. It was becoming a problem ever since he had walked in the rain to L'Manburg, but he hadn't thought much of it. Ghostbur glanced to the sunset and floated towards the beach. The last time he was here Tommy had yelled at him. He settled down on the sand again and went into the same criss-cross applesauce position.

This... this was nice.

"Ghostbur! Bitch, where did you go?"

"Over here, Tommy!" Ghostbur called.

"Fuck are you doing over there?"

"I-" Ghostbur couldn't finish his sentence and began to have a coughing fit. Breathing became difficult and his sweater paws started to turn blue instead of staying its yellowish-orange color.

"Holy shit- Ghostbur!" Tommy sounded panicked and worried. Ghostbur wasn't sure why- he was fine, this happened all of the time now. He gasped for breath in an attempt to get the coughing under control, and it felt like an eternity before he could properly breathe again. 

Vision blurred and head feeling light, Ghostbur blinked at his surroundings. He was still at the beach, but now Tommy was by his side. He looked like he was going to cry, causing Ghostbur to feel a strike of guilt. Great, he had ruined Tommy's happy moment with this stupid cough and stupid blue that came from his mouth.

"What the hell was that man?" Tommy asked, almost demanding. "I don't think this is normal- maybe I should get you back to L'Manburg."

Ghostbur shook his head and hoarsely replied. "No, no... It's okay Tommy. Just a bit of a cough. I'm okay."

"A bit?" Tommy scoffed. "That wasn't just a bit, you've got... whatever that stuff is all over you!"

"Oh." Ghostbur glanced down at his sweater and winced to find that it was indeed stained with blue. "That's just blue Tommy. It should wash out easily."

"Blue? You mean that shit you hand out to everyone when they're upset?"

"Yeah! Blue! But really, Tommy, don't worry about it. I'm okay."

"Alright... If you say so." Tommy didn't sound convinced. "Thank you for the disc Ghostbur, but um..." He trailed off before clearing his throat. "I'm sorry about what I said about you earlier. You're not just a ghost. And you don't have to go away, and I don't want you to." Tommy placed a hand almost awkwardly on Ghostbur's shoulder. "Listen, man- You're one of my closest friends. I-"

"-Tommy." Ghostbur didn't mean to interrupt but he did it anyway. "I've already forgiven you, I promise. It's okay." Tommy audibly exhaled in relief.

"Good, that's good to hear," He said and glanced to the horizon. "It's getting late, you should head back to L'Manburg."

Ghostbur frowned. "But we've barely had the chance to talk!"

"Yeah, well you can come again tomorrow." Tommy yawned slightly and Ghostbur felt a stab of guilt. He had completely forgotten those who were alive needed sleep. As a ghost, he didn't get tired, or at least... not very often.

"Alright. Sleep well, Tommy." Ghostbur reached to ruffle the boy's hair and stood up. "Bye bye." Tommy put on a weak smile.

"Bye, Ghostbur."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3


	5. My Family, My Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur makes amends with Alivebur. Or- he tries. There's not much you can do to help with a hallucination.

Ghostbur liked long walks alone. Though the alone part could get a little- well, lonely- it helped him to think about serious things. But this walk, in particular, made him a little sad, so to help cheer himself up, he sang his favorite song. Quietly, of course, he didn't want to disturb any nature nearby.

"I heard there was a special place," Ghostbur hummed under his breath as he made his way up a hill. "Where a man could go and emancipate, the brutality and tyranny of their rulers." He wasn't sure if the birds were singing along or not, but he kept going just in case. "Well this place is real, you needn't fret!" He quickened his pace and continued up the hill. "With Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo-" He paused, wincing at how he had to curse but quickly resumed. "Fuck Eret! It's a very big and not blown up- L'Manburg."

Ghostbur made it up to the hill and grinned at seeing a large field of long grass and flowers. "It's L'Manburg, it's L'Manburg." He stepped into the grass, carefully avoiding any signs of wildlife that he would crush with his feet. "It's L'Manburg. It's... L'Manburg." Ghostbur's heart ached once he realized he had changed the lyric completely and he moved to hold his chest. Though... he wasn't wrong. L'Manburg wasn't his anymore, and he thought he had accepted that by now but... clearly not.

When Alivebur clicked that button, he lost. Ghostbur told himself. L'Manburg isn't mine, and it isn't his, not anymore. He sighed softly before giving himself some reassurance. But that's okay! Everything's okay now, we have Tubbo as president! Everything's okay. With happy thoughts in mind, Ghostbur settled down on the grass in his usual criss-cross apple sauce position. Luckily it was nearing evening, so it was a perfect time to pick flowers so the flowers wouldn't be wilting under the heat of the sun.

Ghostbur observed the flowers around him, thinking deeply. He had to find flowers that were just coming into full bloom, he'd risk them being too immature to open their buds, and older blooms would drop petals and pollen everywhere. He smiled brightly and gently plucked a yellow flower to his right. Luckily for me, this daffodil will be the exception! He thought with a giggle. I'm sure Phil will love these, and hopefully, these can make him happier during his house arrest.

Ghostbur gathered up a few more flowers, humming. He had been doing more reading in the library and found a book on flowers that told of their symbolism and such. He glanced down to the small bouquet of flowers he had now- a mix of daffodils, gladiolus', and morning glories. Daffodils meant regard and unequaled love, gladiolus' meant remembrance, and morning glories meant affection. Ghostbur thought they were rather pretty flowers, and he had a feeling Phil would think the same. But there was something else to deal with first.

"You don't have to be quiet all the time y'know," Ghostbur spoke softly to the man standing behind him. "I don't mind you being here nowadays, you've been... a little less mean." Alivebur laughed, and Ghostbur ignored the shivers running up his spine.

"Would you prefer I be meaner?" Alivebur asked, going to sit beside the ghost. Ghostbur shrugged.

"I think I've gotten used to your insults." He picked more flowers carefully from the ground. "And I understand why you say them now."

"You do?"

"Mhm. You're... you're just sad, and angry. But you have every right to be, of course, considering all you've been through." Ghostbur sighed regretfully. "I wouldn't know though, for obvious reasons... I don't remember much of it. I'm not saying you were right in... doing the things you did, like pushing the button, but I understand." Alivebur didn't reply, seeming at a loss for words. Ghostbur continued to pick flowers with a simple smile. He didn't expect him to say anything in response, after all, he only seemed to hold negative emotions, not positive. Or... maybe he was overanalyzing a hallucination a little too much.

"I... I don't understand-" Alivebur stammered slightly, taking Ghostbur by surprise. He had never heard him stutter before. "You don't remember anything? Nothing at all?"

"Well, that's not entirely true. I remember somethings." Ghostbur giggled. "Actually, I wrote them all down, but it's not much. Though that's not the point, I... I think it's time I confront my problems and my feelings with you, and... the past."

Alivebur scoffed. "There's no point in confronting either of those if you don't know or remember either." Ghostbur winced. That definitely stung.

"Well, maybe you can help me to understand both," He suggested quietly. "Maybe..." He paused to cough into his sleeve.

"Still coughing up blue?"

"Yeah... it's okay though, no one's worried anymore! ...I think."

"You're insane if you think that."

"W-What...?"

"Don't you see? Everyone's worried for you- it's SO obvious! And you just- you keep acting like everything's fine when it's not! You keep ignoring all the things I did- All the things you did!" Ghostbur flinched once Alivebur raised his voice and at the jabs.

"We're not the same." He replied, shifting in his spot on the grass. The sun was setting now and he glanced up, pointing to the peach colors in the sky. "Alivebur, look! Sunset!"

"Yeah, sure- whatever, sunset." Alivebur scowled in annoyance. "Could you stop avoiding your baggage for once? We were actually getting somewhere and- you ruined it, per usual. You ruin everything."

"That's- That's not true," Ghostbur's tone came out much harsher than he meant. "I help to make things better, and most people enjoy my company. Even after what you-" He bit his lip and quickly corrected himself. "Even after what I did, I'm still wanted here. I'm still apart of L'Manburg."

"But do you deserve it?" Alivebur asked with a sweet grin. "Look, Ghostbur. You have to understand that most people in L'Manburg are a bit biased when it comes to you. Phil's your dad, Tubbo's your friend, Fundy's your son... they have to like you and want you around, that's what family does."

Ghostbur frowned deeply and turned that thought over in his head. Alivebur was right, in a... small sense. He was close with most of the citizens in L'Manburg. But he quickly moved to retaliate. "Yeah, I agree they are my family," He began slowly. "But they wouldn't pretend to like me. They're too good for that. They're good people, they wouldn't waste their time lying about something like that. If they wanted me out, they'd tell me so, but they haven't." He opened his mouth to say more, but there was no point. Alivebur was gone from his sight. He sighed deeply and glanced down to his lap. He felt... better, in a weird sense. He wasn't sure why- all he had done was tell what he believed.

The sun had long set by now, meaning Ghostbur had been out longer than he had anticipated, also meaning Phil would be worried. Ghostbur got to his feet and brushed off his pants, gently clenching the bouquet in hand and floating back down the hill. This... This was a start. This is what he had to do to bring good change to himself and to others, and if confronting his old self was the way to do so... so be it. But Ghostbur was very much terrified of confrontation. That wouldn't help one bit, but he was still willing to do the work.

...Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3


	6. My L'Manburg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur visits the one room he should never be allowed back into ever again. He just wants to remember more.

With a soft whoosh, Ghostbur floated into the center of L'Manburg with a happy hum. He played with his sweater sleeves and glanced around the area with interest. The early morning sun shone brightly overhead, much to Ghostbur's disappointment. That meant it was too early for anyone to be awake, meaning... he'd be alone for a little while. But he didn't mind, in fact, he was getting used to being alone more than before.

Ghostbur paused once he noticed greenish movement out of the corner of his eye and froze at the sight of a creeper. His heart lurched. Tubbo would be upset if he found that this area had been blown up by a mob, so Ghostbur quickly went into action.

"Over here!" He called to the creeper, managing to get its attention. He waved to it to keep its focus on him, leading it over to the edge of a balcony. Ghostbur knew there was an area below L'Manburg, so if he kept inching the creeper more to the edge, it could fall. Then he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. With this in mind, he kept leading the creeper to the edge. 

For a moment, he got distracted and heard the oncoming sounds of an explosion. He opened his mouth, making a soft 'oh' before the mob exploded. Everything blurred together as Ghostbur was blown into a nearby pole, causing the breath to be knocked out of him. He wheezed for breath, instinctively moving to cover his head to prevent any more damage. Thankfully, nothing else happened, 

Ghostbur peeked through his arms, blinking through the smoke. Okay, so things hadn't gone to plan... but he was okay with that, this was something he could fix! With a new purpose set in his mind, he got up from his spot on the floor and waved the smoke away. The smoke cleared and he squinted, seeing there was a nice sized hole in the side of the hill. 

Wait a minute, is that a room? Ghostbur's curiosity piqued and he took a moment to focus his energy to help him. He floated over to the hole and his feet placed gently onto the stone ground. He went deeper inside and observed the room calmly. It looked odd, for the most part. It was covered in signs, and once Ghostbur got a good look at what they said, his heart dropped to find the L'Manburg Anthem scribbled on them.

Where is this from? He glanced around the room and turned in a slow circle, trying to gauge if anything would bring back a memory. He felt like he had been here before, maybe even a million times, but... he hadn't? Ghostbur wasn't sure, he was getting confused and he wished someone was with him- Maybe they'd be able to explain this place.

For a moment, he felt tempted to go and seek someone out but pushed the thought away. No, he could handle this on his own, he just had to think. He pursed his lips together, moving to run his fingers under one of the signs. Think, Ghostbur, think! He told himself. At first, there was nothing, then he heard something coming from all around him. 

...A ticking noise, was it?

Ghostbur wasn't sure, but it was making him nervous. His breathing hitched and he jumped at the sound of Phil's voice. "What are you doing?" He opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came out until another voice spoke for him.

"Phil?"

Alivebur. Ghostbur choked up and he dug his nails into his palms as he observed the scene. This was a memory- or was it a flashback? He didn't know- he just wanted out- he didn't want to be here anymore-

"What are you doing?" Phil leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked like a parent who had just caught their child breaking a rule, and if it were a normal situation Ghostbur would laugh.

"I- I wasn't doing anything-" Alivebur stammered, looking slightly panicked. "We just- we just made Tubbo president. We- We made Tubbo president, and we won! We won the war and Schlatt's gone, so..." Ghostbur tilted his head as he focused on his (?) voice. Why did the name Schlatt sound familiar?

"Uh-huh." Phil didn't sound happy or convinced, and that was making Ghostbur nervous. He rarely ever saw the man frown. "And where are you right now?"

Ghostbur could see sweat drip off Alivebur's face as he replied. "In... L'Manburg. Well- you wouldn't know you've never been here, it's the area around L'Manburg-" He stumbled over his words and fidgeted with his coat before putting his hands up. "It's- it's complicated, geography, geography and that, y'know so... It's geography and..." Alivebur stared at Phil, almost as if he was understanding that he was actually here and speaking to him reality wise. Alivebur's voice grew quieter. "...Phil?" Ghostbur winced. He didn't like this, he didn't like this one bit but he had a feeling he had no choice but to continue watching.

"Mhm." Phil hummed. "In L'Manburg, you said."

Alivebur glanced around. "This- This is L'Manburg-" He paused and rubbed his neck, inhaling slowly. "Okay, I will admit-" He gestured to the button and Ghostbur squeaked once he realized he was in the way of the scene. He moved to the side, eyes widening to see the famous button that had destroyed his family's and friend's homes. "Do you know what this button is?" Alivebur asked.

Phil nodded. "Uh-huh, I do."

"Have- Have you heard the song on the walls before? Have you heard the song?"

Ghostbur brightened up and began to sing instinctively. "I heard there was a special place, where a man could go and emancipate-"

"I was just saying, I made this big point and it was- it was poignant, and it was, it was um- that there was a special place where a man could go, but it's not there anymore, it's not-" Ghostbur fidgeted with his sweater paws at hearing Alivebur ramble. He sounded so... different compared to how some of the others described him. He wasn't laughing like a maniac or anything like that at all, he just seemed... full of emotion. Phil stepped next to Alivebur and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"It is there," He pointed out. "You've- You've just won it back, Wil." There was a small pause before Wilbur moved to punch one of the signs, causing both Ghostbur and Phil to flinch.

"Phil, I'm always SO CLOSE to pressing this button Phil-" Alivebur shouted with enough fury to make Tommy shake, and Ghostbur felt petrified. Alivebur held his face in his hands, almost sounding like he was going to sob. "I- I have been HERE, 7 or 8 times I've been here. 7 or 8 times. Phil, I- I've been here so many times, Phil." Alivebur looked up with tears in his eyes. 

Ghostbur felt his heartbreak to see that Alivebur's eyes were filled with so much pain and regret. He held his hands to his chest, gently clenching his own sweater. He felt that pain and regret too, but he wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or terrified to find he was sharing the same emotions with Alivebur at that moment. Alivebur sniffled slightly and moved to wipe his eyes.

"They're fighting, they're fighting!" He said, voice shaking.

Phil frowned deeply. "And you want to just blow it all up?"

Alivebur nodded, too frantically for Ghostbur's liking. "Yeah... yeah I do," He replied. "I think, I think..."

Phil shook his head. "You fought so hard to get this land back, so hard."

"I don't even know if it works anymore, Phil," Alivebur admitted. "I don't even know if the button works. I- I could press it, and it might-" He glanced to the button with a slight red glint in his eyes, causing Ghostbur to flinch in fear.

Phil laughed slightly, but he sounded nervous. "Do you really want to take that risk? There- There is a lot of TNT potentially connected to that button."

"Phil-" Alivebur sighed deeply and approached the button. Ghostbur's entire body trembled and he opened his mouth.

"Please don't," He begged quietly, voice breaking. "You'll hurt so many people, please, PLEASE, don't push the button." Ghostbur knew it was no use and that made the urge to cry even worse. Alivebur continued without mercy.

"There was a saying, Phil," He said softly. "Uh, by a traitor, uh once part of L'Manburg. A traitor I don't know if you've heard of, Eret?" Phil hummed and nodded. "He- He had a saying Phil." Ghostbur couldn't bring himself to look and quietly sobbed as Alivebur said the words that would forever remain in history.

"...It was never meant to be." With that, Alivebur pressed the button. Ghostbur hugged his torso tightly, tears falling from his eyes and soft, broken sobs leaving his lips. 

Alivebur did it- Of course, he did, everyone always talked about it whenever he came around, but that didn't change how much it hurt. He wasn't sure what happened next, his body hurt too much to comprehend what was happening, but once he felt like the memory was over he got the courage to look up. The room was the same as ever, but the sun was in a different position. 

Ghostbur quickly wiped his eyes and forced his hands to stop shaking. He couldn't let anyone find him like this, surely not. Despite the strong waves of guilt and regret he felt at what he had remembered, Ghostbur patched the hole up so the room was out of sight. No one else needed to see it, and no one else needed to relive what happened that day.

Things I Remember

By Ghostbur

\- The smell of bread.  
\- L'Manburg.  
\- The Revolution.  
\- Bullying Tommy (He's a child).  
\- Sparring with Techno as a kid.  
\- The wind.  
\- Being president.  
\- People cheering for me.  
\- Fundy growing up.  
\- Niki.  
\- The van.  
\- Tubbo building everything.  
\- Phil protecting me.  
\- Sally the Salmon.  
\- Philza stabbing me to death with a sword.  
\- A large explosion.  
\- The taste of salt.  
\- Air in my lungs.  
\- Winning the elections.  
\- A ravine.  
\- Techno's armory.  
\- Books.  
\- Tunnels.  
\- Arrows.  
...  
\- Blowing up L'Manburg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3


	7. Yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After what happened in that room, Ghostbur can't bring himself to look at anyone in the eye anymore. What Alivebur did- what he did- it's too much for him to keep in. Luckily enough, he always has Phil to talk to when he can't figure things out.

"Ghostbur? Are you alright?"

Ghostbur avoided eye contact with Phil and stared down at his cup of tea. Tears welled in his eyes at the thought of looking his father in the eyes, but he quickly forced them away. He had cried enough since he had found the button room, and he was sure he didn't have any tears left. "I'm okay Phil," Ghostbur replied reassuringly. "It's just the rain, y'know?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I know what you mean, son." Phil sighed. "But that's not what I mean, you've been... quiet, and distant, recently. Is there anything you need to talk about?"

Ghostbur exhaled sharply, only just realizing he was holding his breath. "No, no. I don't want to burden you." He winced at the vulnerable statement and clenched his cup tightly.

"You could never be a burden." Phil sounded almost horrified. "Now- spit it out, what's on your mind?" Ghostbur took a sip from his cup, clicking his tongue. It tasted like a rich, earthy base. Phil said it was Rainy Day Chai. He recalled.

"Ghostbur?"

"Oh, um..." Ghostbur snapped out of his thoughts and cleared his throat. "I recently remembered something or at least a part of something." Regret instantly took hold in Ghostbur's mind- no, he couldn't tell this to Phil, he would be sad- but he couldn't go off and lie again.

"Oh, really?" Phil's eyes lit up slightly and he smiled. "That's great, son! What was it?"

Ghostbur bit his lip and looked away. His head was starting to hurt now as he thought back on it, but he replied nicely and slowly. "Pushing the button." Unsurprisingly, that stopped Phil in his tracks. His smile faded into a small frown. Ghostbur gathered the courage to look the older man in the eyes, fighting back tears. Phil stayed silent before placing a hand on Ghostbur's shoulder.

"And you saw everything?" He asked gently.

"Yeah... everything." Ghostbur sighed. "Phil, I'm sorry for putting you through that."

"Ghostbur, son it wasn't your fault."

"Nobody else pushed that button, Phil. He-" Ghostbur quickly corrected himself with a shake of his head. "I pushed that button. I blew up L'Manburg and I destroyed everything me, Tommy, and Tubbo built this place for. It's..." He breathed in slowly, feeling like he was going a million miles per hour. "It's all ruined, because of me... It's my fault."

"Ghostbur..."

"Phil-" Ghostbur couldn't take much of this anymore and let some tears fall. "I've hurt so many people. Please understand that."

Phil placed a hand on Ghostbur's shoulder and gently squeezed for comfort. "You and Alivebur aren't the same, son," He said softly. "I hate to say it, but you don't have the same memories as he did. And you certainly don't act the same." Ghostbur softly sobbed and sank deeply into his seat, forehead now pressed into the wood of the table. He wished he had kept his mouth shut, but he felt a bit better to have gotten that out. "Here, Ghostbur- have some yellow." Ghostbur frowned in confusion and glanced up. Phil had his hands held out and they had a yellow object in them. He stared at it dumbfoundedly.

"Yellow?" He echoed. "Is it... Is it like blue?"

Phil nodded. "In a way, I suppose. It just has my own personal touch, sort of like Fundy hands out brown. And you hand out blue. We all have our own colors." Ghostbur smiled sincerely.

"Good, that's good," He said, beginning to cough and reached for the yellow. He took it from Phil's hands and held it in his own, taking in a deep breath. The yellow slowly faded into a soft green and eventually a royal blue. Ghostbur sighed softly and slipped the now blue into his pocket, coughing more. "Sorry, I... sort of ruined that too." He smiled weakly and covered his mouth with his sweater paws.

"It's alright, son." Phil frowned in worry. "Are you alright? You're coughing, almost like you're ill..."

"Oh, yeah that happens a lot!" Ghostbur chuckled and cleared his throat. "I'm okay, promise! It doesn't get as bad as it used to."

"Used to? Does this have something to do with when you came home during that rainstorm?" Phil's eyes widened and for a moment he seemed panicked. "There isn't a way you could die twice, right?"

Ghostbur hummed in slight contemplation. "No, I don't think so! The rain stops hurting after a while, thankfully." He looked down at his sweater paws, expression dropping at the smudges of blue on them. Darnit, he had just washed it out earlier. "Yeah, just after a while..." He repeated softly. 

Silence drew between them both for a bit, and Ghostbur found himself zoning out. His environment flickered around him and he froze upon realizing he was back in the button room. Panic quickly seized in his chest. "No no no no-" He mumbled, standing up and panting heavily. "Not again, please not again-" In the dark atmosphere, Ghostbur could see the soft glow of red eyes and everything felt like it was turning to ice. His heart was caught in his throat and beat fast, making him feel like he was choking.

"Ghost-"

"My L'Manburg, Phil! My unfinished symphony, FOREVER unfinished!"

"-bur!"

"If I can't have this, no one can, Phil!"

Ghostbur held his head in his hands in an attempt to focus on one voice at a time. One sounded like Phil, but the other sounded like Alivebur. This was too much noise for him and he just needed a minute of silence to calm down- maybe then he could think. The yelling stopped but Ghostbur's head was spinning and his chest was tight. He flinched at the sound of Phil's voice.

"Ghostbur..."

Ghostbur whimpered and dug his nails into his head, loosely tugging at his hair for comfort. He couldn't bring himself to open his eyes to check where he was or who he was with.

"Son, look at me." Phil's voice. Phil, Phil, Phil... Ghostbur thought to himself. You know him. You can trust him. He's safe. With that thought in mind, Ghostbur slowly opened his eyes and allowed himself to see again. He was back in Phil's house, except now he was out of his chair and on the floor. Phil watched him from a few feet afar, clearly keeping his distance for a reason but there was deep concern in the man's eyes. Ghostbur exhaled slowly, barely realizing he had been holding his breath.

"How...?" He began before his chest heaved for air.

"Don't force yourself to speak if it hurts," Phil said and extended his hand. "Can you sit up?" Ghostbur nodded and did as he asked, though his body begged him to stop. He reached for Phil's hand and Phil helped Ghostbur off the floor. Ghostbur didn't waste time and hugged Phil with all of the love and affection he could muster.

"I'm sorry," He mumbled in between soft sobs. "I- I didn't mean to scare you, Phil." Phil didn't reply and rubbed his back, only causing Ghostbur to sob harder.

"Well done, Ghostbur, you've made yourself a monster," Alivebur said from behind, making a small clap with his hands. In a blind fit of rage, Ghostbur whirled around to him.

"Just shut up already! I'm NOT a monster!" He shouted, instantly regretting his words when he saw Philza flinch out of the corner of his eye. Ghostbur held himself tightly, shuddering once he heard Phil speak.

"Son...? Who are you talking to?" Phil eyed him warily. Ghostbur avoided eye contact. Great- now he probably thought he was crazy.

"No one important," Ghostbur mumbled.

Alivebur rolled his eyes. "Rude. No wonder you have self-worth issues."

"Shut it," Ghostbur snapped, clenching the soft fabric of his sweater. He cleared his throat and turned to Phil. "Y-Yeah, like I said, nobody important." Phil frowned and looked to where Alivebur was then back to Ghostbur, but he clearly didn't see the figment.

"Alright, if you say so." He sighed. "Here, have some more yellow."

"Oh, no it's okay, I have blue now." Ghostbur took out the object and held it out for Phil to see. "I'll be just fine!"

Phil hummed, not seeming convinced. "Alright, well... I wanted to give you something." He turned away and went into one of the chests, digging through it before pulling out a journal. The cover was a dark black with 'Ghostbur' ingrained on the front in silver. It looked fairly new, much to Ghostbur's excitement. "This is for you. Just in case one of us isn't around and you're feeling a little too much, you can write it down in here, okay?"

Ghostbur eyed the journal with wide eyes. "For me? But Phil- I don't need anything, I'm a ghost."

"I know, I know." Phil chuckled. "But this could help you, I know you've been feeling a little sad recently."

"Oh." Ghostbur blinked and fidgeted in embarrassment. "Thank you, Phil."

"No need to thank me yet, son." Phil smiled and put the journal into Ghostbur's hands. Ghostbur examined the material with his fingers, feeling the leather-like texture. He felt a bit happier at the feeling and happily squeaked. Or, he hoped it sounded happy. He didn't want Phil to see the still boiling anger inside him. Why was he so angry all of a sudden? And why did he snap at him like that? Ghostbur wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of anything anymore, and frankly, he needed more space to think.

"Alright, I um..." He took in a small breath. "I'm going to go for a walk." He put the journal under his arm and let himself disappear from Phil's sight. "Love you."

Phil smiled weakly. "Love you too son."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3


	8. A Walk in the Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur finds an unlikely friend in a time of vulnerability.

Ghostbur avoided any talk of Alivebur after what happened with Phil. In fact, he avoided any sad talk at all. Not only did he not want to worry Phil further, but he also needed some time to think. So he started spending more time outside and out of L'Manburg. It was a slow process at first, but he managed to pull it off. But now it was getting difficult- The air was getting cold and everything around him was getting covered in some type of white substance. Tommy said it was called snow. 

Ghostbur wasn't sure how to feel about snow- he knew it was cold, and that it caused him to melt just like the rain. But it was easier to avoid, meaning he didn't have to worry much about melting more. Nonetheless, it was cold, but Ghostbur didn't want to find a new sweater. Not like he needed it though, he was a ghost. The temperature shouldn't harm him.

At least, so he thought.

Ghostbur shuddered at another gust of cold wind, causing shivers to move through his entire body. He hugged his torso tightly and pushed his boots further into the snow to prevent them from toppling over. He wasn't sure if he was just weak or if there was a storm brewing. Probably the former.

But no matter what, it was so cold. And not a good type either. It was the type that tired you out and made you feel down. He didn't like feeling down, and...

Ghostbur stumbled into a tree and felt a sharp sting of pain. He wasn't sure what to do and the wind was growing stronger.

"You should at least bring a coat, son. It's cold out there."

"I'll be fine, Phil! I'm a ghost, the cold won't bother me!"

"Alright, but what about the wind?"

"It's okay, I'll be alright!"

"Are you sure? Maybe it would be better if you stayed back for a bit."

"Positive!"

Ghostbur really wished he listened to Phil. This was a little too much for him at the moment, and as much as he wanted to take out some blue, his hands felt frozen. He felt the tree's bark with his fingers and held on tightly, shivering. Cold, cold, cold. Ghostbur's vision was becoming fuzzy and he could feel himself getting sleepy. This was... weird. He had never felt the need to sleep, why now?

Ghostbur wasn't sure how much time had passed before the snow began to cover his body. He hissed at the familiar feeling of pain once the snow came in contact with his body. Yes. It was time to go home. He decided. His walk was up and he didn't want to be out here anymore. 

Ghostbur slowly pulled his hands away from the tree but immediately lost his balance thanks to the wind. For a moment he was sure he was going to fall face first before he could feel something itchy and rough run against his fingers. At first, he felt confused but didn't complain. Whatever this was, it was helping him to stand, and it was warm too. He blinked some snowflakes from his eyes, trying to see through them, and recognized a soft baaa.

What was a sheep doing out in the middle of the forest? And during a small snowstorm, no less... Well, technically Ghostbur didn't have much room to talk. He was a ghost and wandered around just like a curious kitten.

"Hello there!" He gave the sheep a small smile as he got a good look at them. They were a plain white blue and their beady black eyes looked genuine. Ghostbur felt a burst of happiness and he made a happy squeak, slightly clapping his hands together to match his energy. The sheep made another baa, but this time it sounded more content. "How are you doing?" He asked the sheep, extending his hand to pet their head more tentatively.

The sheep only baaed again in response, not much to Ghostbur's surprise. But like any ghost with somewhat normal social skills, he carried on. "Good to hear! But it is rather cold-" He laughed as they leaned into his hand. "Should we find some shelter? You don't have to stay with me forever of course, but I quite enjoy your company!" The sheep gave a small nod as though they understood his words and agreed. 

Ghostbur didn't question it and moved to stand, though did find it oddly difficult. Oh dear, my legs must be a little frozen. He thought. "What's your name by the way?" He asked, slowly forcing his legs into movement and trying to shake off any burning snowflakes. The sheep tilted their head and gave him a slow, confused blink. Ghostbur's heart dropped in his stomach and his tone softened. "Do you not have one?"

The sheep shook their head, seeming almost sad. Ghostbur quickly went into action- he couldn't hand the sheep blue, it wouldn't be able to hold it, and he wasn't sure if it would try to eat it either. So he went in for a hug instead. It was simple and he tried to keep it gentle in case it would hurt them. "D'you mind if I call you Friend?" Ghostbur asked them gently. The sheep gave a happy baa as a reply and Ghostbur took that as a yes. "Okay, hello Friend!" He retracted from the hug and stood up completely on his feet. Though he noticed something different now- Friend's coat had turned from white to blue.

Almost like the blue he had in his pocket.

Ghostbur squeaked with joy and motioned for Friend to follow, bounding down the hill. "Come on, Friend! I want you to come to L'Manburg with me, you can meet everyone!" Friend matched Ghostbur's pace and trotted beside him, happily making more sheep noises and shaking snow from their coat from time to time.

Ghostbur was, well- over the moon, to say the least! He loved making new friends, and now he got one! He couldn't wait to tell Tommy and Phil, and perhaps Tubbo, Ranboo, and Fundy too! The two ran back to L'Manburg together in the snow, both sharing the same excitement for their futures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3 and happy new year, cheers to 2021!


	9. Winter Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time has passed- much to Ghostbur's discomfort. He's gotten a bit closer with the citizens of L'Manburg, but things get complicated once a friend (is he even his friend?) tells him to go for another walk. Ghostbur has a feeling this would be a long walk.

Friend nuzzled Ghostbur's face in an attempt to wake the sleepy ghost. Ghostbur reached to pet Friend's head, carefully scratching behind their ears. "I'll be up in a minute, Friend," He murmured. "I just need a bit more time to wake up." Friend huffed as if to say 'You've been in bed all day'. Ghostbur winced but knew they weren't wrong- he hadn't left his sewers at all. He just didn't have the energy, it seemed.

Life had gotten a little bit slower for Ghostbur recently. He had been spending more time with the other citizens of L'Manburg- Tubbo, Ranboo, and of course, Fundy was a delight to talk with and have around! Ghostbur loved them with all of his heart, but there was always small anxiety in the back of his mind that could hurt them. Again.

He didn't want to become Alivebur.

So, he still spent time with them but didn't let any reminder of Alivebur come back. He never brought up the button room. He never brought up his book of things he remembered. 

Ghostbur closed his eyes tiredly and let out a small yawn. He screeched once Friend took a bite out of his sweater paw and sat up. "Friend, not my sweater!" He said, almost scolding and looking at the new hole. "Oh, dear... I'll have to sew this back together. Silly Friend- my clothes are not food!” If Friend could smirk, they would. They hopped away with ahappy baa at seeing he intended on getting up. 

Ghostbur couldn’t help but smile fondly and rubbed his arms, stumbling out of bed. It was still painfully cold, but he just had to shake it off. Hopefully, there wasn’t a snow storm. Pulling on his boots and walking up the stairs, he clicked his tongue. Friend followed by his side, slowly making their way up with him. 

Ghostbur had built a set of stairs once Friend came to L’Manburg with him so they could enter and leave properly. They didn’t seem to mind the sewers, thank goodness, but wouldn’t stop snacking on Ghostbur’s clothes. Though he didn’t mind sewing holes back up, he was running out of yarn- Maybe one of the others had more.

Ranboo. Ghostbur thought with a hum. He collects stuff, right? He's half Enderman, they collect things! Lots of things. "Come on Friend!" He quickened his pace more until they got to the main surface. "It's time to give Ranboo a visit." Friend seemed to perk up at that. Ghostbur always thought of Ranboo as a good friend, and just like him, he was forgetful. They had that in common. But they were also sad- in their own way, at least. Ghostbur wasn't sure what was saddening his friend, but he made sure to keep lots of blue on him whenever he was around him, just in case.

The air was sharp and cold as the winter season truly took its hold. Whatever storm Ghostbur had been caught in earlier, it had calmed down completely and most of the snow had rested. 

Ghostbur rubbed his arms in an attempt to give himself some warmth, stepping onto a path to go to the center of L'Manburg. He stepped up the stairs to Ranboo's house, moving to knock on the door before Friend pulled his hand away by his sweater sleeve. In a moment of slight panic, he pulled his hand away. 

"Friend no- not another hole, please," He begged. Friend shook their head and let go, nodding up to the sky. Ghostbur felt confused and stepped back slightly. It took him a moment, but he noticed a familiar crown moving around on the roof. He squinted, recognizing the half tint half shade appearance of Ranboo.

What was he doing on the roof? And why was he pacing around?

"Wait here for a bit, Friend," Ghostbur said after a moment before using his ghost abilities, floating up to the roof and landing on the edge. "Ranboo! Hello!" The suited man jumped and stumbled backward slightly before catching himself. Ghostbur frowned. He didn't mean to start him.

"Hey Ghostbur," Ranboo greeted quietly, sounding breathless. He rubbed his neck and stood up to his full height, causing Ghostbur to have to look up. Ranboo was rather tall and considering he had an Enderman side it didn't come as much as a surprise to Ghostbur. Endermans were... scarily tall. "Umm... what are you doing up here?" Ranboo asking with a small smile.

"I could ask you the same question!" Ghostbur chirped and tilted his head. "Is something on your mind?"

"Uh... yeah, you could say that," Ranboo replied with a nervous chuckle. "What about you?"

"I came to ask you for yarn!"

"Yarn...?"

"Yeah!" Ghostbur showed Ranboo his holed sleeves with a giggle. "Friend likes to munch and chew on my clothes, so I need to sew them up often! But I've run out and I was wondering if you had any!"

"Oh." Ranboo hummed and moved his left hand, seemingly strolling through the air. Ghostbur waited patiently for him to finish looking through his inventory, moving to wave to Friend. This was a signal to show that everything was okay and Ranboo wasn't going to try anything. Yes, Ghostbur had thought that far.

Sometimes his spiraling moments went to the worst possible scenarios.

Sometimes he was scared he'd die.

Sometimes he was scared his friends-

No.

Sometimes he was scared his family- yes, that's the correct word- would die. And Ghostbur would do whatever it took to prevent that.

"I have some here right here." Ranboo's voice snapped Ghostbur out of his thoughts.

"O-Oh-" Ghostbur internally cursed his voice for cracking. "That's good! Is there a chance we could do a trade?"

"Ghostbur, this isn't Animal Crossing." Ranboo swiped his left hand up before pulling out a couple of balls of yarn. "Go ahead and take this. No need for trade, I'll probably forget about it anyway."

"Oh, right right." Ghostbur cleared his throat and floated towards the other, taking the yarn balls. He felt the material gently with his fingers, softly cooing at the happy brain chemicals.

"Do you need anything else?" Ranboo asked with a tilt of his head.

"No, no this is good! Thank you, Ranboo!" Ghostbur replied cheerily. "How are you doing, by the way? You said something was on your mind?"

"Yeah..." Ranboo sighed and cast his gaze away from the ghost. "Yeah. But it's alright, I just need a moment to think it all out."

"Oh, alright."

Y̸̲̩̋̾̊o̸̭͖̜u̷̧̖̜̓͛'̴̲͂r̷̮̮̙̂e̶̫͊ ̵̮̍w̵̦͇̜̿͒̎ő̵̦̩r̶̬̲̠̋͒͘t̴͙̾h̷̻̥̟̿l̴̛̲̲̮̈e̶͇̯͗̿͘s̷̥͂s̸̖̟̟̑.̵̺̟̱̍̈̈́

No, no. Ghostbur wasn't worthless. Ranboo said he could handle it on his own, and Ghostbur trusted that. He-

ẁ̷̟̙̅͌ă̸̺̜̥š̸̞̓ ̴̜̑a̸̠̤̭̅ ̸̯̿d̴̜̈a̴̠̲̅m̶̻̪ṅ̷͔ͅ ̷̨͙̠̂̏m̸̢̬̰̍̒ư̶̖̥̐r̸̲͙̳̃̐̀d̵̟̿̊̔e̵̺̽r̶̮̩̳̄̉e̶̟͎̽r̴̠̼̄ ̷̛͕͈̈́̎͜a̷̞͋̅n̷̻̏̽̕d̸̙̈̇ ̸͎̪̥̿v̶̡͍͖͗į̴̳̥̈́̉l̶̨̼̙̇̍̚l̵͍̾̈a̷̤̬͛̆ḯ̷̪ṅ̷͇̫̀͘.̵̻͑̏͛

No- no he wasn't, everyone had forgiven him-

N̸̛̮̙̣ö̴͔̋ͅ, ̷̢̕t̵̛̼̾͊h̵̗͍̏e̶͙̓̈y̷̞̝̒ ̸̨̻̿̓h̸̘̋a̴͔̒v̷̨͙̗͗͛e̶̛̦̿̄ñ̸̨̈́̕'̷̛͕͋̒t̵͕̮̖̾.̶̘̌͒̓ ̵̦̋͝D̵̩̘̬̂o̵̳̜̮͒n̵̨̮̩̕'̴̟̇̅ͅt̸͇̦͛̽ ̵̰̖̙͌ẙ̷͕̋͋õ̵̞̬͍ū̵̖̱͘͠ ̶͝ͅş̴̫̒̑ͅe̵̦̤̖̓̊e̸̠̬͋̚ ̵̦͑͑̍t̴̳͝h̵̻͑́e̴̥̋̐͂ ̶̱͐w̵͕̼͚͂̍̓a̶͓͛y̶̪̎̄̏ ̴̰͙̤̉̋t̴͍̓͜h̶̯͔̣͌e̷̮͝y̵̤̯̲̏ ̷̡͙͊̈͝l̵͙͓̃̍o̴̲͘ó̵̡̹͍͠͝k̷͍̘̩̉̌ ̶̝̯̗̊a̶͖̬͌t̸̛̗̮ ̴̮͖̀y̵͎̽o̸̮̺͐͝ͅŭ̵͕̞̺?̶̖́̈́

Ghostbur didn't mean to outwardly wince, but he did. That thought stung. He did see the way the others looked at him- some with pure pity T̵̯̝̋ú̵̟̮͔̏b̸̫̃̌b̴̳̖̗̓̋̏o̸̜̔̂,̶͈̭̈̍ ̶̦̍͜͠P̸̙̟̖͊h̴͕͝ï̶̢͔͓̒͝l̵͔̘̓̂͠,̴̯̮̈ ̵̡͙̍Q̶̯͉̽̔̓ú̷̪͎̺͗͘à̶͍̉̏c̶̫̍k̸̺̙͇̍͝i̸̞̾t̸͓͌y̵͙̪̥̑,̴̼̖̒ ̵͔̤̻́̚͠R̸̩̝̮a̴̯̝̓ͅn̶͚̙̚b̴̹̫̎̑o̷̯̙̝̅o̴̭̻͓͂, some with hidden rage F̵̡͘͘u̵̖̫̹̇n̵̞͇͍̕d̷̮̹̝͛̐͑y̸̺̯̮͑,̶̹͎͇̀̔͊ ̴͔͉̪̊͘Ț̵̿̚o̸̜̅̏͝m̶̢̥͎̂m̶̮͒͂͘y̷͍̭͠, and some with sadness N̵̨̝̳̍i̸̟̖̅̈͛k̶̲̉̎͝i̴͙̗͗,̷̖̱͊ ̶̼̆Ĕ̶̼̳̥r̵͖͙͋͝e̴̯͔̜̎͆̍ẗ̴͍͔̙.

He couldn't blame them. He looked exactly like Alivebur. The only real difference was the selective transparency, pale skin, and echoey voice.

Ȳ̴̛̥̖̤̥̰̪̹̀̕Ơ̸̢̢̧̛̛͖̯̞͉͇̳̯̝͇͔̪̾̔͑͒̀̌̎̀̉̆͆̽͐̈́̐͜͝͝ͅŲ̴̼̙̺͔͙̻̠͋̇͝'̵͓̳̻̗̹͚̥̘͓̠͙͈͙̦̺̥͓͕̞̀͐̒̓͋̄͗̂́̓͗̃̃͊̈̄̂̆̽̈̅̐̈́̈́͛̕͜͜͠ͅR̸̡̨̦̪̬̝̖̜͓̬͕̦͇̋̈́̏̍̍͑̿͒͜Ȩ̵̡̛̝̥̫͓̦̤̱̝͎͍̻̲̟͙̠̹̜̝̟͕̰̯̏̐̎͆͑̎̓͌̾͌̓͘̕͘͜͠͝͝ ̶̡͈̣͉̤̯̟̥͖̠͕̪͙̼̫̤̜̒͒͊͑͒́͂̐͊̉̑̚͜͜͝T̴̨̰̲͕̩̤͚͇͛̈́̌̓̈́̒̚̚͠͝͝͠H̴̡̯̖͙̺̙̝̹̱̼̘̘̰̯̦̥̭͇̙̗͚̳̍͋͑̌̒̐͆̐͜͝Ẻ̵̡̧̘̥͍̣͓͍̩͓̳̭͖͎̱̤̥͈̣̬̻͚̩̠̤̮͊ͅ ̵̫̝̯͍̣̤̜̖̻̤̘͎̭̜̟͖̺̙̣͍͕̯̟̖̙̓̍̈́͛̇̊͌̒̈́̓̈́̈́̉͒̏͜͝͝Ş̴̨̮̩̲͖̤̞̦̥̹̠̥͔̬͈̤̫̖͖͉͖̥̘̒̀͛̋̿͗̍̈́͛͗͌̄͐͛̀̿̈́̇͂͆̾͘̚͘͝Ä̶͓̦̻͉̮͕̣͕̟̭͍́̓̑͋̄̾̎͑́̂̎̓͒͆̋͑͒͛̈́̏͜͠͝M̶̼̙̖̤̘̈̈́͐̿̀̀͘͝Ë̷̢̧̨̺̯̦̯̯̱̰͇̯͕̫̖̖̙͈̮̘̣͈͕̪̣̻́́͆͛͊̎͂̔̇̔̑̈́̾̈́̊́̓̀̔̂̈̀͆̾̕ ̵̲͙͕̘̞̫̼̥̀̑͛͋̀͊̓̈́̌̇̐͑͋̒̽̀̈́͑̈̃̚͝͠P̶͕͚͎̬͉̭̰̞̂̽̍̈́͐̍͌̚̕E̶̖͙̹͖̟̊̈́͆̈̋̈͆̉̊̐͘̚͝͝R̴̡̛̲̣̙͌̅̉̂͑̂̀̅̄̅̏̒͌͐̑̉̊͋̄̇͋͊͐͘͝S̶̼̳̐Ọ̴̅̽̏͐̈́̉͌̽̊̔̈́N̴̩̳̱̽̅̏͒̈̽͐̒̊͠.̴̡̨̠̬͉̭͇͖̙̮̗̯͖͚̭̞̺͈̫̱̩̠̺̖̙̈́̉̒͊̿͂͐̐̏̕͘͝͠

"-bur?"

"Hm?" Ghostbur jumped out of his thoughts and back into reality. He blinked, dumbfounded by the concern in Ranboo's voice. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was asking if you were okay." The hybrid's mismatched eyes were dark with concern. "You seem off today. Has it been bad?" Upon instinct, Ghostbur avoided eye contact upon instinct and took in a deep breath.

How did he know?

H o w ?

"In a way, I guess..." He mumbled, rubbing his arms. "Don't worry about me! I'll be fine!"

Run.

"Oh, alright, I guess I'll-"

Ghostbur wasted no time and floated back down to Friend. He didn't want to be emotionally vulnerable at the moment, and by the sinking feeling in his stomach- he could tell he was getting there.

"Friend, walk with me please?" Ghostbur beckoned gently, stepping down the stairs. "Maybe we should head to the Prime Path." Friend perked up at that and rushed forward, much to Ghostbur's surprise. "Friend! Wait up!" 

Friend didn't seem to hear Ghostbur's words and continued their happy strides. Ghostbur tried to keep up- however much a ghost could run- trying to avoid running into anything or anyone. He noticed Fundy and Tubbo talking together but he didn't get the chance to say hello.

Have to keep up with Friend. He reminded himself, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw a familiar white mask and a bright green hoodie.

Dream.

Ḣ̴̛͕͇̻̟͍̰͍̦̥̞͌̊̈́̊̃̿̑͝E̵͔̮̭̻͙̤͊ ̸͕̗͇͖̒̌͋̂̂̂͜͠͝Ģ̴̧̺̣̝̯̰̘͙͕̖̱̅͐͊͗͌O̵̺̫̞̠̹̲͍̬̓͑͘͝Ť̷̝̂͊͠ ̶̦̞̈́͐̽̀͗̌̚̕͝Ţ̷͉̩͍͈͑͂͝O̵̞̝̪͉̙̻̊̔̈M̶̧̗͔̘͎̹̒͌̀̐̔͜M̶̧̭̱͉̲̘̠̺̉̋̎̌̏̕̚Ȳ̵̯̃̽̕͜ ̸̛̥͍̺̳̭͍̯̜̲͊̽̓͋̂̑͊̈Ȩ̸̡̡̭̤͉͙̰͈̹͛͒̒̐̏̕X̸̮͚͎̳̮͖̺̯̰͉̥̻͛̍̋̒͋͝͝Í̵̧̨̺͍̥̬̞̗̳̳̈̑̔̆͋͝Ļ̸͇̳͙̼͈͓̫͍͈̮̅͗̚͘E̸̲̓̓̉͊̾͘͠D̸̡͈̻̟̩̗̘̪̲̭͆̋.̷̘̼̳̮̲̹̅̇͜͠

So did Tubbo though. But we're not angry with him.

H̷͍̖̟̬̟̟̒̎̃͋̎͊̕E̵̗̬̫̱̋͑̈͗̐͂̊́̌͘͝.̴̤͇̗̽́̑ ̸̨̓̋͐͑͒̄̒H̶͚̯̦̬̣͚̞̪̟̳̄͒̓̈́̄̈͗̽̒̈́̃͋͜Ụ̴͋̇̿̈͑̇Ṟ̶͚͎̲̝͚̪͊̂̈́̑͝T̵͓̮͎̙͉̳͎̞͖͇͚̥̐̿͊̿͂̅.̶̡̧̩͙̬̭̝̮̎͛͐̈́̇͘ ̴̼̋̒̒̾͛͛̐̾͗͘Ę̷͍̺̣̥̒̆̌̕͝͝V̸̢̯͕̻̦̘̝͍̭̈́͒̇̋͜E̷̢̛̗͛̑͂̏͘R̷̛̭̯͙̹̠̗͙͔̈͊̆̽̎́̔͘͠Ỵ̶̹̦̲̞͍̝̦́̇̐̂̈́̅̾̓͆̇ͅǑ̸̙̼̗̌̈̀͊̎̈́̄N̵̙̬̍̎̃͛̈́͝Ę̴͎̜̼̲̜̻̞̭͌̅̈̅̐̔̽.̴̨̮̼̯͕͙̝̟͉̠̿̉̿̀̿̿͛̓͑͘

Ghostbur cleared his throat in an attempt to distract himself from his thoughts and put on a bright smile. "Hello, Dream!" He greeted, petting Friend's head once they hopped back to him.

"Hello, Ghostbur." The masked man tilted his head, sounding almost out of breath.

Friend ran into him. Ghostbur realized with an amused chuckle. "How are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm doing just fine," Dream replied quickly. M̶̛̙a̵̩̹͗y̷͚̔b̸̹̂e̶̺͆ ̸̮̤͋̚ǎ̴̫̈́ ̴̭͐͌l̷̨̼̍͗i̶̢͉͊̈́t̷͇̆̕t̶͔͠l̴̝͑e̸̖͕͌ ̷̜̩̿t̸͈̫̆̒ŏ̵̙̲̕ô̵̞̠ ̸͚̈̚q̴̭̍u̵̜̍i̶͒͜c̴͙̎͑ķ̶̅̚l̸͚̉̈́y̷̮̮͗

"Oh, that's good. Good to know. What are you..." Don't ask. "What are you doing in L'Manburg?"

"Actually, I was coming to see you."

"Me?" Ghostbur couldn't resist a squeak of surprise and excitement. "What for?"

"Mm, first I need you to walk with me." Dream glanced to Friend. "Alone," He added, a little too sharply for Ghostbur's liking. Ghostbur shifted on his feet and looked down to Friend.

"Friend, how about you head home yeah?" He suggested quietly. "I'll be back soon, Dream and I just need to talk." Friend narrowed their eyes at Dream, acting almost suspiciously. We can trust him. He said silently. He's our friend. Friend tilted their head, almost as if understanding before nuzzling into his hand and bounding away. Ghostbur gave them a temporary farewell wave before turning back to Dream. "Let's walk!"

Dream nodded and headed down the Prime Path without another word. Ghostbur quickly scurried to the man's side, walking alongside him. He zoned out, feeling awkward with the silence and secretly hating it. "So umm... what did you want to talk about?" He blurted eventually, clearing his throat.

Dream put a finger up to his mask mouth. "Not until we leave L'Manburg," He replied smoothly, leading Ghostbur off the path. Ghostbur felt a wave of confusion but continued to follow. He wasn't sure how much time passed before they both stood by a forest of pine trees. Ghostbur shifted on his feet, grateful for the boots he had to protect his feet from the snow. Dream finally looked to him. "I need you to go on another one of your walks," He said.

Ghostbur frowned. "Right here? But..." He trailed off. "How... How will I get back?"

"You'll figure it out, you're smart," Dream replied. "After all, you blew up L'Manburg, correct?"

Ghostbur winced. That stung. "Umm... yeah, I guess." He fidgeted with his sleeves. "Why though?"

"Don't question me." Dream's tone became firm, almost sounding angry.

Ghostbur hated himself for upsetting his friend. "A-Alright, I guess I'll go on a walk." He stepped by Dream but glanced behind him, frowning deeper. He hoped Friend or any of the others wouldn't be too worried... But he was sure they wouldn't be. He would only be gone for a couple of hours, tops. "I'll... see you later?" He said, chuckling nervously. Dream nudged him forward, almost as if he wanted to rush him.

"Yeah." The clad said. "See you later."

Without a second thought, Ghostbur went forward into the forest, weaving around any trees that got in his way. A breeze swept by from time to time, but other than that, everything was still, quiet... Maybe too quiet.

Ghostbur didn't mind quiet.

But he wanted Friend back.

He rubbed his arms, shivering slightly and beginning to stumble over his feet.

Y̷̨̛͖̪͚̘̞̗̫̳͖̖̜̏̚͝͝͠ǫ̸̱͙̎̿̔͊̕͜u̴̧̡̼̠̟̬͙̅̓͒̈́̓̋͝'̵̡̢͈̭̜̬͕̾̂̀̇̕r̴͙̞̤̰͕̈́ĕ̴̩͆̂̀̍̚ ̸̨͍̪̠͍̖͍͚̅̈̇̏͆̕̚l̷̪̟̜͖͐̆̿̑̆͝o̸͍̯̤̺͔̦̯̞̫̭̤̙̠̘̓͂̃͝͝s̴͔̾͗̀͂̃̒̈̉̎͋͌͠ţ̸̬̟̹͍͚̜̱̱̐̽̿͂͌̿̀͗̕̚͜͝ͅ

He wanted Fundy.

W̶̧̛̮͕̺͎͈̤̥̯͊̈̈́̋̍̅̏͑͘͠ͅơ̴͍̯͉͕̝̭͔̰̓̊͑͛̒̉͊̐̚̚͜r̸̪̬̠͙̪̱͍̫̗̰̂̔͜͝t̶̢͖͔͓̖̞͎̯̞̘̜̐̐̽͋̅̐̓̉̋̀́̿͝ḩ̷̛̠̠͖̱̱̰̻̳̪͖̟͔̘̐̈́̈̈́̔͘̕͜l̴̪̖͆͋̂̄̄͆̈́̀̍̐e̵̫̼̖̤̞̪̙͇̪͈̿̈́̎̔̃̊s̶̫̥̠̲̝͎̮̃̽̅͐̇̍́͌̈͐ṣ̵̮̯̝̀̔̓̿̿̎̊͑̔̊̕͝.̶̡̨̧̡͎͉̞͎̜̳̮̮̠̪͎̃̀̕

He wanted Tubbo.

C̴̼̮̮̪̱̮̩̤͖͇̺̐̈̉̏̂̐̂̅́͗͛͛͜͝͝ͅǫ̷͈̤̦̙̖̞̭͖̙̭̈́̄̀͋ŵ̶̻̻̟̮̹͌̎̈͒͝ͅå̴̛͙̹͙̹̀̈́̍͗̎̓̉͘ͅr̷̫̮͚̋͌̅̎̒͋̐̕ď̷̥̃̇̏̏̓͊͗̑̐͆̇̚.̵̨̫̹̔̇̽̑̇͌͑̌̿͋̇̂͝

He wanted Tommy. And he wanted everyone else too.

Ghostbur stumbled into a tree and wheezed for breath, clinging onto the bark. This reminded him of when he first met Friend, but this time there wasn't any snowstorm.

And there wasn't anyone coming to find him either.

Ghostbur...

Ghostbur was a little lost, to say the least. Lost in this forest, lost in his mind, and lost in his identity.

He couldn't hold back a choking sob.

Now, he really needed some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3
> 
> also sorry for this update to be so delayed! school has recently started up for me and i've been trying to tear my attention away from this fixation fic and onto that! so heads up if i'm not as fast as i used to be


	10. Lost and Found Section

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur has traveled a long way through the woods. He wants to go back home- back to L'Manburg. He wants to see Friend, Tubbo, Ranboo... everyone. But he’s long gone away from them now, thanks to what Dream asked him to do. Ghostbur didn’t mind listening to what people told him, but he was starting to get disgustingly gullible.
> 
> Maybe it was time Ghostbur was truly welcomed to a home.

I can't take this any longer. Ghostbur thought.

With boots dug deep into the snow and clothes stained with wet, almost sticky water, he simply forced himself to keep going. He had no other choice though. He had to get back to L’Manburg, back to Friend, Tubbo, Ranboo, Fundy, and... Ghostbur frowned once someone else came to mind. She had long hair and a beautiful face with the softest smile in the world- He swore he knew her. What was her name? He took a moment to think on it and blinked snowflakes out of his eyes.

Now he remembered with a sigh of relief. Niki. He had almost forgotten Niki. Then there was Dream, but unlike Niki, he didn’t bring a smile to Ghostbur’s face. He felt a strong wave of fear once the porcelain mask and bright green hoodie came to mind, though he wasn’t sure why.

Don’t be ridiculous, Ghostbur. He scolded himself. Dream is your friend, there’s no need to be afraid of him.

But, he was the reason Ghostbur was out here in the first place, and that thought confused Ghostbur. Why would Dream send him out here? Had he tuned out on accident while listening to him? Was he supposed to be going somewhere specific or was he just... wandering for the hell of it?

Either way, I’m not sure I can go for much longer. Ghostbur thought miserably. I shouldn’t have listened to Dream- even though he’s my friend, I’m not sure he’s in the best mindset. No one would just send me out here for no reason. He paused at a steep hill up ahead and slowly began to climb.

...Right?

Ghostbur clung onto any nearby trees or bushes as he made his way to the top of the hill. The wind was calming down to a gentle breeze and warm light was being shed onto him. Ghostbur nearly sobbed in relief when he felt the sun on his pale, burning skin. Warm, warm- so warm. He could breathe without pain again. For a moment, everything was still and Ghostbur stood in pure bliss while the sun warmed him up- a neigh brought him out of his moment.

What in the bollocks was a horse doing in the middle of nowhere?

"Uh-" Ghostbur cleared his throat, voice raw from lack of use, and let out a small whistle. He waited and froze at the sound of loud plopping and a monotone voice.

"CARL! Carl, what are you doin'- That's not the direction of my house!"

Technoblade?

Ghostbur's heart jumped with joy. Finally, someone he knew! He whistled again and the plopping noises began to grow closer. Ghostbur stumbled forward and before he knew it there was a snout in his face. "O-Oh!" He stepped back and put his hands up. "Hello!"

"Ghostbur?" A familiar bone mask glanced next to the horse.

"Technoblade!" Ghostbur squeaked with happiness and waved enthusiastically. P̶r̷e̷t̴e̴n̶d̷ ̵l̶i̶k̸e̸ ̵n̸o̶t̵h̴i̷n̷g̴ ̷i̶s̸ ̶w̷r̵o̵n̸g̴ Ě̵͇̠̈̋͝V̷͉̫͐̆̎̄͝E̶̞̣͗R̵̡̥̩̖͌̏͜Ý̸͕̕̚T̷̩̘͕̍͋̆̕H̵͓͈͖͗ͅI̸̞̓͌N̷̻̣͉̳̳̉G̴̺̏ ̵̛̭͇̦́̈́Ȉ̶͍S̸̩̼̦̄͝ ̴̼͎̲͚̻́͠F̵̻͖͖̘̞̋͘Ĩ̵͓͇̩͖̮̐̐̍͝N̶̫͓̝̊̾͘E̵̹͇̋̏͘!̷̜̦̻͚͐̕

Technoblade tilted his head. "Ghostbur, what are you doin' out here?" He asked.

"I uh-" What do I say- "I was just out for a walk!"

"You're covered in snow. And you're melting," Techno stated bluntly.

"Y-Yeah, I noticed," Ghostbur hummed. Change the topic, change the topic- "What are you doing out here? I didn't know you explored so far from your home!"

Techno grunted and gently nudged Carl with his boot, making him begin to move. “I’ll have to be off Ghostbur, I have important things that need attendin’ to.” Ghostbur’s heart dropped in his stomach. He was about to be alone again.

“Wait!” He called out without thinking. Carl stopped his stride and Techno turned to look at him, expecting an explanation to his outburst. Ghostbur coughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Can I... Can I come with you?” He prompted. “I’m a little lost and I’m not sure how to get back to L’Manburg if I’m completely honest.”

"Of course you're lost." Techno sighed and Ghostbur winced- He didn't mean to annoy him. "Come on up. You don't look like you'll last five more minutes out here."

"Up? You mean on Carl?"

"Yes. Are you comin' or not?"

“Uhh yes!” Ghostbur focused for a moment before floating onto the horse and wrapped his arms tightly around Techno. Though he hated making the other one uncomfortable, he did not want to fall off. He’d done enough falling for the day. Techno huffed before gently kicking Carl and the horse started his stride. Ghostbur held on as tightly as he could and ignored any small spots of burning pain, simply telling himself it was only snow.

He'd be out of it soon.

Hopefully.

Ghostbur wasn't sure what happened on the journey- he swore he heard Techno grumble something but didn't catch it. Maybe the snow was affecting his brain too. More of a reason to warm up and dry off. He didn't realize he was dozing.

Ghosts don't really need to doze, but he did it anyway. Not like he was a normal ghost anyway.

"Uh- Ghostbur, you still there?"

"Wh- Wha...?" Ghostbur barely stifled a yawn and blinked through blurred vision. "Yeah, I'm here." He let go of his friend and sat up. "Are we...?"

"Yes," Techno replied simply. Ghostbur smiled and climbed off of Carl, landing on the snow. He swayed and flailed his arms in an attempt to keep balance. Techno landed beside him and patted Carl's head, murmuring words Ghostbur didn't catch. Not that it mattered, something else caught his attention.

Dream?

Ghostbur stared at a green figure hiding in the trees.

H̸e̴ ̵s̴e̵n̴t̸ ̶m̴e̸ ̶o̵u̷t̸ ̴h̷e̷r̵e̵ ̶t̸o̸ ̵d̸i̴e̸.̶

Ḧ̵̛̪̫̞̈́͛̄͘͠ͅě̵̘͕͕̪̝͔͎͚̮̔͒̈̚̕̚ ̷̩̮̙͚̄͗͝B̷̩̥̮̘͈̑͌̿̈͛̇̆͝Ȩ̴͎̟͈͖̘̖̈́̋̆̐͝T̸̳̣̞͎͖̱͊͋̌͐̉̍͐̃̚̚R̸͎̖̘̗̫̤͉͕̅͐̌̐́A̵̢̘̪̬̗̻̗͔͐͛̃̈́͆͘̕ͅͅY̶̛͙̟̥̦̬͖͌̿͜͝E̵͖̠̘̥͐̒͋̆͒̑̃̈́̀Ḑ̶̢̘̭͎̤̼̫͈̓ ̸̡̞͎̥͔̩̠̤̗̖̔̚m̴͚͓̠̞̗̠̱̣͕̋̅̇ē̶̟͔̌̋̓͗̔͝.̸̠̋̾̂͐̓̏͛͋͐

H̵̨̛͚̠̞̯̙͓͖͙̹̬̜͂̆̀͂́̍̈́͒͜͝U̶̧̪̜̻͍̠̓̎̂R̵̡̛̫͂̈́͗̆͑̓̈T̷̗̩́Ḧ̸͈̭̱͚̯̬͕̫͔̭͍͇̉̽̽̒̏̈́̎͠Ǘ̸̢̡̬̟͚̭̤̌̃̍̚͘͠͝Ŗ̴̨̰͙̃̿̐̕͝T̴̳͍̮͆̆͐̓͐̌H̴̦̣̊̉̒͒Ú̵̢̧̳̦͚̠̞̦̺ͅR̸̡̨̛̺̫̩͔͖̜̈́̀̂̎̽̕T̸̛͖̎H̷̹͓̖̤̖̲̏͗̇̆̅̕͝͠Ǔ̴̮̟̫͎̞̫̏͌͋͒̋R̸͓͓͋̈́͗͋̄̇̿͒Ţ̸̖͔̼͍̮̏̔̋̕͝-̵̡̛̤͙̻̓̅̉͆͠

"Ghostbur, what are you lookin' at?"

Ghostbur jumped at Techno's voice and instinctually moved to cross his arms to protect his head. Techno put his hands up. "Woah- Ghostbur, I was just askin' a question."

"I uh..." Ghostbur glanced back to where Dream was and his eyes widened to find that the masked man was gone. "N-Nothing. I was only thinking."

Techno shrugged. "Alright then. Are you comin' inside or not?"

"Yeah, yeah... I'm coming."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3


	11. Finally Feel At Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostbur has found a (definitely not temporary) place to stay with his friend Technoblade. He doesn't know all that's been going on. He just knows he can't handle the very thought of seeing Dream again. He knows he hasn't seen Tommy in days. He knows things are getting difficult.
> 
> But he doesn't know that his time is just about up.

Ghostbur loved seeing other people’s houses. It reminded him that maybe he could have one of his own besides his sewers- but he also loved his sewers, so he felt torn. Nonetheless, Techno’s house was nice. It was warm and welcoming compared to the bitter cold that laid outside. Ghostbur rubbed his arms and watched Techno shut one of the doors, taking a moment to look around. He jumped at the sound of a loud VROOP and squeaked at seeing an Enderman sitting in a boat.

“Don’t mind Edward,” Techno said calmly and moved to open one of the chests in the room. “He won’t do much to hurt you.” The Enderman- apparently named Edward- made another VROOP, but sounded more annoyed this time. Ghostbur put on a polite smile and waved at Edward.

“Hello there, I’m Ghostbur!” He chirped. “I hope we get to be friends if that’s alright with you of course!” Edward gave him a simple shrug- could Enderman shrug? Ghostbur wasn’t sure- and turned his attention to look out the window.

“Take this.” Ghostbur squeaked again once a blanket covered in crown designs was thrown at him, barely catching it before it fell to the floor.

“Uhh, what am I supposed to do with it?” Ghostbur prompted, scooping the blanket up more in his arms. It felt comforting to feel against his fingers.

“Wear it around you, you look freezin’.” Techno closed the chest and pulled off his cape, leaving him in his dress shirt. His ears flicked and Ghostbur noticed there was a hint of concern in the man’s eyes.

Was something wrong?

Ghostbur acted before he could have a real chance to think about it. “Are you alright?” He asked quietly.

Techno raised an eyebrow. “I’m doin’ just fine,” He replied. “You shouldn’t be askin’ stuff like that- don’t touch those!” Ghostbur retracted his hand from the working brewing stands, chewing on the inside of his cheeks. Techno crossed his arms. “Those are hot, don’t touch ‘em. If you want cooled and prepared potions, there’s some downstairs in a chest. But don’t mess with the zombie villagers, they’re still changin’.”

“Oh.” Ghostbur looked to the brewing stand and felt tempted to try and touch them again, but after getting a glare from Techno he decided against it. “I uh... I have a question!” He said with a nervous smile as Techno brushed past him to climb down the ladder.

“I’m guessin’ I have to have an answer,” Techno grumbled.

“Does um... Does Dream come around here often?”

Techno stopped climbing and his eyes turned slightly cold. “Not that I know of. No one knows where I live besides Phil and well- I guess you now.”

“Oh, good...” Ghostbur sighed in relief and wrapped the blanket around him. “Good to know.”

“Why though? Did you see him?”

“I must’ve been seeing things. Don’t worry about it!”

“Well, I won’t need to worry about anything, the man’s not the most intimidating.” Techno snorted and hopped down to the floor below. “Don’t touch anythin’ and try and stay inside! The last thing I need is a ghost meltin’ all over my floors.”

Ghostbur hummed in agreement and settled down on the floor, crossing his legs comfortably. He looked up to Edward, who was still focused on looking out the window. Ghostbur tilted his head. Could Endermen get sad? He wondered. 

“How are you doing?” He asked Edward. Unsurprisingly, he got a VROOP for a reply and Ghostbur chuckled nervously. Right, he didn’t know Enderspeak. Ghostbur thought more about Endermen- how they got agitated with eye contact, hated the water, and collected any blocks that took their fancy- and his mind eventually went to Ranboo.

Ranboo.

Tubbo.

Tommy.

Fundy.

Niki.

Phil.

Friend.

Ghostbur felt a sting of pain in his heart and winced. He left them all behind in L’Manburg- not exactly by choice, but he still did it. He closed his eyes and recalled his home. Tubbo’s warm hugs, the way Niki always smelled of baking goods, Tommy’s jokes, Fundy’s stunts, Ranboo’s writing, Phil’s voice, and Friend’s presence... Oh, he missed them all.

I shouldn’t have listened to Dream. Ghostbur clenched the blanket. I should’ve gone invisible, or done something else- I’m a ghost, why did I think he’d hurt me if I didn’t listen?

Idiot. He sighed and pulled his knees to his chest. You're supposed to be finishing unresolved business, that's your purpose. So why...? Ghostbur tugged at his hair and took in a deep breath, vaguely hearing another VROOP from Edward.

Just breathe, he instructed himself. In for four, hold for seven, and out for eight. Just like you practiced with Phil.

Ghostbur followed through with the exercise until his mind felt clear again, but something still felt off. Where was Techno-

"Agh, son of a-"

Ghostbur jumped at Techno's sudden shout, watching the man stumble over his feet. He covered his mouth to prevent a giggle from escaping his lips- it seemed like Techno had stepped through his body but slipped on the blanket in the process. He had seen Ranboo and Tubbo do this a few times, back in L'Manburg.

"How the hell are you so see-through?" Techno questioned once he had regained his balance, crossing his arms.

Ghostbur chuckled. "Happens the more you uh..." He trailed off. Maybe this wasn't the thing to tell.

"Yeah?" Techno raised an eyebrow and nodded, urging him to finish his sentence. Ghostbur forced words out of his mouth.

"Happens the more you melt!"

"...Hold on a minute, are you sayin' that you could die again?"

"Well- yes but also no...?"

"That's... concernin', Ghost of Wilbur Soot."

"Thank you Techno, though I'm trying not to be! I'm just fine!"

Techno chuckled and turned away, opening another chest. "If you say so, but uh... Are you plannin' on stayin' here?"

"Umm, not if you don't want me to!" Ghostbur said with a nervous smile. Don't be a burden, don't be a burden- "You can always bring me back to L'Manburg, or... at least point in the direction to where it is!"

Techno shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me, you can stay as long as you like. I trust you, Wil- Ahem, Ghostbur."

"You don't mind me staying?" Ghostbur's heart swelled.

"Mm. No, I suppose I don't."

"Well... thank you. You've done a lot."

"All I've done is given you a blanket and a place to stay, I wouldn't call that 'a lot'."

"Hmm, I would! But um, Techno?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have an extra chest?"

"Uhh, yeah- What do you need it for?"

"Just to store a few things! My pockets are getting all full."

"Alright then, I suppose I could."

"Thank you!"

Ghostbur really needed to empty his blue out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! constructive crit is appreciated <3


End file.
